I've been trying to finish this book, "The Purpose Driven Life". At the end of each chapter, there is supposed to be some sort of reflection and it gives you a question to consider, a point to ponder and a verse to remember. But I never really got around to its ending. That's because to be able to maximize the potential of this book, you have to read one chapter per day. It has 40 chapters, meaning 40 days. I never even got to the 5th.

But yesterday, this book was just lying on my desk (gathering dust) and it kept catching my eye... So I read it. I have decided that in my quest to finish this 40-day journey, I will write it in my blog so that I will have no reason not to finish it. Here goes...


If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose (The Purpose Driven Life).

If I am to be brutally honest with myself, I could say that I have lost my spirituality. Oh sure, there are times that I pray, but those times were when I was having problems I couldn't seem to understand. But most of the time, when I am happy I don't even pause to think of Him. I don't go to mass because I always thought that "going to mass every Sunday doesn't prove that you are a good person, one who stays on the 'right path'. It's in what you say and do everyday that makes you a child of God." With that line of thinking, attempts at attending mass dwindled until eventually I stopped altogether.

It was a joke among my friends and I about my not attending mass. I'd say to them that if I go, I might burn into ashes even before I enter the church doors. We'd laugh about it then move on to different things. Some of my friends would even ask me to come with them to church but there will always be an alibi ready. But oftentimes there is this little voice niggling me in the back of my head pleading me to go to mass. I'd immediately dismiss it, squishing the little voice into silence.

For quite a long time, I have felt empty. Listless. I felt like a leaf blown every which way by whatever wind that caught it. There were many attempts at trying to fill that void. I partied and went out with friends almost every chance I got. I dated random guys (but never mated). Everything looked okay, but it still didn't feel right. Every night I would lie awake for awhile just thinking, "Why do I feel so empty?", and I would wait for an answer. In the quiet of each night that I pondered this question, it slowly dawned on me. Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life ( The Purpose Driven Life). I have always been so distracted with myself and with all the "important things" in my life that I have kept pushing God aside. My world did not revolve around Him and that's were my fault lies.

I want to keep this thought in mind to constantly remind myself not to be so self-centered. I want to rediscover the joy I had when I was a child. In order to attain this, I must remind myself that it is not about me but it is about God; that it all starts with GOD. I can't promise that after publishing this entry, I would be all religious and prayerful, no. I don't want to be hypocritical. It is best that I take it one day at a time just like what the book said. Hopefully, I find my way back to Him.