It's who I am... How I think... and what I'd like to share to the world...

Okay, okay, it seems that my resolve isn't as strong as I thought. But hey! I'm here, right? I'm writing out a post for day 2 of reading the book "The Purpose Driven Life."

DAY TWO
THINKING ABOUT MY PURPOSE

POINT TO PONDER: I am not an accident.
VERSE TO REMEMBER: "I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born." (Isaiah 44:2)
QUESTION TO CONSIDER: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

There were times when I was younger I would secretly feel short-handed by God; that I would silently reproach God and ask why he gave me such awful allergies. I felt I was shunned back then because of the breakouts on my skin. Kids my age called me awful names. But thankfully, I survived all that name-calling. I grew up and when I entered college, I discovered that I was far better off than most people who also had allergies. Mine was nothing compared to what they had to deal with. Theirs were life-threatening. Mine was nothing a little bit of ointment and dietary discipline couldn't handle. Now, I silently thank God for not giving me something much worse (but I still ask Him for healing.Haha!)

There were times too that I struggled to accept what people thought of me because of the way I dealt with them. They told me that I was a stuck-up. I was always class president, so I felt I had to be strict, no-nonsense and by-the-book, which later on reflected in my social affairs. I realized that I had few friends then. I was a student leader, on the honor roll and active in my extra-curricular activities. But more often than not I was left out on the slumber parties, birthday parties and every social event among my peers. I partly blamed my parents for not having allowed me to go, but I wasn't Ms. Congeniality either, or so they perceived me to be. I knew that I wasn't hard to get along with. I just didn't have anyone to get along with. No one cared enough to dig deeper, and those few who did, I didn't allow to get too close.

So I changed. I became more lax. My social circle started to grow, but my leadership skills were slowly going down the drain. At some point I lost control and I wasn't that responsible, stuck-up girl anymore. I was still active in my extracurriculars, still on the honor roll, but something was amiss. Not only were my leadership skills gone, but my desire to be a leader was gone too. And so was my sense of responsibility. I got tired I guess. I didn't want to be responsible anymore. I wanted someone else to take the reins for a change. But as I later found out, I am the only one responsible for myself. I still am not a student leader and I never did try to get back on the horse, but now I do try to be responsible for all my actions.

The only thing that's hard for me to accept now is a certain part of my private life (which I do not care to divulge in this blog). But as my 4-year old nephew sat on my lap tonight while I typed this entry, I knew that I'm glad he was there. Even though he was unplanned, he wasn't an accident. I'm still grateful to God for planning on bringing him into all our lives...and that is something I wouldn't change for the world.

I would like to share with you this beautiful poem by Russell Kelfer (which I read from this chapter):

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by th Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

This poem summed it all up for me...