It's who I am... How I think... and what I'd like to share to the world...

DAY FIVE
THINKING ABOUT MY PURPOSE

POINT TO PONDER: Life is a test and a trust.
VERSE TO REMEMBER: "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." Luke 16:10a(NLT)
QUESTION TO CONSIDER: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

I have been through quite a lot this past few months. My relationship with my eldest sister has clearly gone down the drain. Flushed. We rarely got along, and during those times that we seemed friendly to each other it felt like Lincoln Burrows and Theodore Bagwell (characters in the hit TV series "Prison break") being chummy with each other. Scary thought. So many other things happened, and those were the times that I clung to God with all that's left in me. If God was there in the same room as me I'd have my arms around his legs holding on for dear life until my knuckles turned white. I had this friendship bracelet that I always wore during those times.
But now that it seems that I'm problem-free, I'm back to my old self: not really thinking about God, more like thinking about myself. Old news.

God entrusted me with a lot of talents. My youngest sister calls me the "Jack of all trades, Master of none." But I haven't been "sharing" these talents. I felt ashamed, or more like inferior to the others who are really good at most of the ones that I know. So I tend to shy away from moments when people would be asking for a little ice breaker during seminars. I still blame my parents for having a hand at this too. They wanted me to stay "focused on my studies" and not to dabble in activities unrelated to my future career. I feel like my soul died during the four years that I was in college because of the lack of passion for things that I did...

God also entrusted me with intelligence (it's true so why deny it?), but I have been too lazy to put it to good use. I haven't always been like this. Fresh out of high school, I was used to an environment where there was a healthy competition. Reciting and voicing out ideas or opinions were a norm in my alma mater. But when I entered college, it was a different game. I was almost always the one with her hand in the air, always ready with an answer. But when I looked around, eyebrows were raised. The gossip came back to me and what I heard was really disheartening. My classmates thought that I was a "know-it-all". I cared a lot of what other thought of me back then. So even if I was itching to raise my hand and answer (even if it would be to break the silence in the classroom because NO ONE wanted to answer and we weren't going anywhere with the discussion), I'd sit quietly with downcast eyes just to avoid the teacher's radar.

So much for all that God gave me...